It's here! It's here!

I don't know if I'm the only nerd out there that has these issues, but every time I've graduated something I freak out that maybe, just maybe there's a mistake and I didn't actually graduate. I do this momentary panic during the time school ends and the diploma reaches my mailbox. I have done something like this every year since middle school, after the last day of class I always waited for the letter that stated I was NOT moving to the next grade. For every diploma thing, I just knew I didn't really graduate. This year was no exception. Screw the honorable GPA, screw the assistantship and fellowships, screw the thesis (otherwise known as the MFB), screw the two years...I honestly thought I must have messed up somewhere and didn't really graduate. Ask the coordinator of our program, Amy. She has the emails and voice messages that prove my insanity.

In general, I have a whopping case of "Imposter Syndrome." A classmate identified this for me, about me, and I was floored. I have always thought I would be "found out" by others. I feel absolutely silly trusting my own intellectual work and can't believe it when someone else thinks I'm doing good, quality work. I expect my superiors to realize that I am not as smart as I somehow seem...and then promptly send me out the door. I feel every success is a stroke of luck and I've been lucky to meet the right people at the right time. I'm just now dealing with this. Although for every success my first instinct is to revert to the Imposter way of thinking, I'm oh so slowly learning that hey, I did encourage some of this goodness come about. I'm not THAT lucky all the time; I work very hard to make the goodness happen. Read about the Imposter Syndrome: Here.

That being said, my DIPLOMA arrived today! All official with signatures and stuff. It says "Master" on it. I think they mean it. But don't tell anyone about my inferiority, I absolutely must keep the wool over their eyes until I land a full time gig someday. With benefits.