On the Lowdow...oh, no? Okay.

Tonight I played Sneaky McSneakers for one of my best friends, Christine. If you're name is James, stop reading here. Is he gone? Okay, we can talk now.

Christine called me worried about the sound of a woman's voice through her boyfriend's cell phone. When asked about said woman's voice, the boyfriend hedged and made awkward explanations for her presence:

She is just some girl.

Her name is uh, um, Molly. (which is Christine's daughter's name, how convenient)

She just wanted to play pool with me. So we're playing pool now, uh yeah, just the two of us.

She um, no I've never seen her here before.

Yes, I know I'm in a league here and she's new.

Um, she's just some girl.

Okay, men, listen up. To women, especially women who have a bit of a history with not-so-fabulous-men, this sounds like:

She is just some girl with ginormous breasts and a lips that would look great around my cock.

Her name is something I can't share with you because then you might know who she is. (Alternatively: Her name is something I can't remember since I was staring at her tits.)

She just wanted to play pool with me so she can bend over the pool table and give me a great view of her rack or her ass, thereby encouraging the fucking that will happen later. Yes, I've chosen to play pool with her, alone, so I can show her how much I would love to fuck her later.

I've never seen her before so you can't possibly recognize who she is.

I know this is league night and I can't explain why the new hot girl is here so I'm stuck and can't think of a good lie.

Um, she's just some girl with ginormous breasts and lips that would...

Men, we envision lots of bad, bad things when you act like a deer in headlights. You do the exact same thing when we do this, so why are you confused? Dear James was that deer tonight, so I did what any girlfriend would do. I spied on him.

I drove up to the pool hall and kept Christine on the phone. I've never met James so she had to describe him to me and I had to give her a running tally of what I could see. I walked around until I found him. And there he was, sitting next to a girl.

I tried not to sound weird because the two weren't flirting and they weren't even close to each other. It actually looked innocent. So I told Christine and waited.

She let out a big WHEW!

He was sitting next to a "safe" girl; a girl Christine knows and is in no way worried about James with her. All the other women in the place were, um, definitely not his type.

James, although he may not like this round of espionage, should really thank me for the nice homecoming he'll be receiving tonight. The other version included Worried Christine and involved screaming and the throwing of hard objects.

You're welcome, James.