Elimination Communication - NOT

People, I try very, very hard to figure out a certain woman in my life. Underneath she's fabulous and strong and wonderful. However, on top of that sits the judgmental, bitter, control-freak victim I must deal with all the time.

With the knowledge that Mike and I are going to try to conceive in - hmmm....let me check my ticker - one year, two months, three weeks, and one day, I sometimes try to figure out what parenting style she approves for us.

No, her approval is not required. We obviously parented two children already, with some success it would seem. But, I'm curious to know what will be judged and what will be smiled upon when there's a new baby. With my two kids, my parenting style was established before she came on the scene. With a new baby, she'll be there from the beginning and her opinion will affect our lives. Either she will judge or bless our parenting style, but it will be done out loud. At Christmas. Or, Thankgiving. Or, July. But it will be done.

Thus far, she has disapproved of the nightly (good! imported!) beers the boys need to sleep and the whippings (at the permanent flogging post set up in the backyard) we give when they anger us.

So, sometimes when I hear of something in parenting I've never heard of, I mention it to her. Let's call it casting a wide net to see what I catch. Today, I learned of elimination communication (EC).

Waaah, you say?

I learned of this over at the Leery Polyp. Okay, elimination communication is a way of handling a baby's potty times without diapers by parents learning how to read their baby's signals and then taking them to a toilet or container to go. The big idea is that if you never teach your kids that their clothes are a toilet, they won't have any issues when potty training. Also, you cut down on the diapers you use, get rid of a smelly diaper pail, and the constant mess of wiping poo of your baby's bottom.

Now, part of this intriques me. I'm okay with less diapers in a landfill and in my house. I'm okay with less diaper rash and so on. And it totally flies with attachment parenting, which I mostly like and which this woman I'm discussing wholeheartedly endorses. Even though I'm not exactly interested in doing this since, well, diapering seems so much easier and I'm a lazy bastard, I use my mental record of her blessed parenting techniques and assume she's all for it. I think she will pour sunshine from her lips about the loving way you and your baby communicate together and the respect you give your child when you don't make them sit in their own feces and so on.

Did you see that? See me trying to be funny and cute and think I can figure her out? Ha! Ha. ha. ha. Bleh.

When I mention elimination communication, I get a screwed up face and a list of no, no, and nos a mile long.

This pregnancy and baby thing is going to be a fucking blast.