This Man Will Die in Twelve Minutes. Yaaaay Jesus!
There is this new commercial running in town for a local Assembly of God. It opens with a life-insurance-y looking scene. The booming voice comes in,
"This man will die in twelve minutes."
It goes on to show his lovely family. His lovely African American family (although I know this church is a whitey, white church, but hey, I guess good effort). They show the doomed man's kids, his gorgeous wife, his lovely home. It mentions how he has everything planned out, even his life insurance.
To which I go, whaaaaah?? Not a life insurance commercial? Mmmmkay.
It repeats, "This man will die in twelve minutes." Now, I'm thinking this commercial is SUCH a fucking downer.
Then, "But, he didn't plan for his afterlife."
Scene breaks to the Assembly of God's address and phone number.
Soooo, you give me a scare tactic and think I'll run screaming to Jesus and you people? You people who give me a man destined for eternal damnation in twelve minutes? You - yes you, this exact church, location and all - who shunned my brother-in-law and his bride the moment they were married because they went on a honeymoon and could not devote every weekday to you like they had for years? You, who sent them packing to a new church because of your lack of reason? You, who think that kids getting candy on Halloween is celebrating Satan? You, who only think that people should come to church for your paltry peace of mind that you "tried"?
You are not God's people. You are heathens in sheep's clothing and you are far too homely to pull that look off.
I fart in your general direction. My God thinks that's funny.
"This man will die in twelve minutes."
It goes on to show his lovely family. His lovely African American family (although I know this church is a whitey, white church, but hey, I guess good effort). They show the doomed man's kids, his gorgeous wife, his lovely home. It mentions how he has everything planned out, even his life insurance.
To which I go, whaaaaah?? Not a life insurance commercial? Mmmmkay.
It repeats, "This man will die in twelve minutes." Now, I'm thinking this commercial is SUCH a fucking downer.
Then, "But, he didn't plan for his afterlife."
Scene breaks to the Assembly of God's address and phone number.
Soooo, you give me a scare tactic and think I'll run screaming to Jesus and you people? You people who give me a man destined for eternal damnation in twelve minutes? You - yes you, this exact church, location and all - who shunned my brother-in-law and his bride the moment they were married because they went on a honeymoon and could not devote every weekday to you like they had for years? You, who sent them packing to a new church because of your lack of reason? You, who think that kids getting candy on Halloween is celebrating Satan? You, who only think that people should come to church for your paltry peace of mind that you "tried"?
You are not God's people. You are heathens in sheep's clothing and you are far too homely to pull that look off.
I fart in your general direction. My God thinks that's funny.
posted by Sugared Harpy at 9:47 PM
4 Comments:
...and your mother smells of elderberries!
I don't understand the fear as a motivator to go to God. The fear thing, that's man made, not God made.
I also don't get why people think that quoting Bible versus will sway the unbelieving.
If they don't believe the Bible is the literal word of God, ummm, your versus don't mean shit.
I buy into the wisdom of some parts and discard the male shit, but quoting it to me doesn't sway me to your cause.
Why, oh why, did continually spell "verses" as "versus"? Even thinking about Fundies makes me stupid.
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